What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 03:55
So, i spoilt her more .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Do older men realize that younger women usually do not prefer them?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But, we were locked up after school.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why does my mother care about my sister more than me?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
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He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why do I smell bad even though I have good hygiene?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why does TikTok allow porn stars in its platform? Isn't it aimed at teenagers?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
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My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
What are 50 random facts about yourself?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I write beautiful poetry .
All the time i was locked up.
How can we understand the mind of a Trump supporter?
Put me off passion for life!!
It was going to be , some day.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
How do I develop the patience to read books?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I think the readers, may guess!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Have you ever had sex with your female cousin? How did it start?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
What sexual fantasies do you have?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I don,t even have a pension.
What do you think of Andrew Tate?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Ive learnt so much.
In the last 500 years, have there been civilizations whose cruelty matched that of Nazi Germany?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I could never make a relationship work though!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Comes on , in middle age.
I was 9 years of age.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She wouldn,t have been !
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He knew the spot.
I will be 64.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She loved him until the end.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He resisted the act ,that day.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One cannot live in the past .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im still living with it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She found it foreign!.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Who then, do I blame.?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I waited trembling.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We were not on the streets..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Would this be the day?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Why did i forgive my father ?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I said to her
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So whats the point in blame.
This is soul school!.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But it wasn’t much.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And i lived it daily.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
What did i know ?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She was in good health!
My family never makes their pension either.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As i do to all so called friends.?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was scared of men, in general
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was seconnd youngest,
When she asked me how she looked .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But ive been too sick for many years..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We all went to grammer schools
I was very sick at this time too.
My life is so biszare .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She married twice! .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I have no regrets .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.